Selfishness and the Art of Living

Selfishness and living. Some of us seem better at one than the other but I believe they they are inextricably linked. One cannot exist without the other. Selfishness is at the core of everything. It’s chemistry, it’s energy. It’s at the very base of existence. Competition is selfishness but it’s also the way of things. The difference between humans and pure energy is that we believe we have some choice. Generally, we chose to live with others. Why?Think of anything that you do from day to day. You can chose anything, from the most apparently inconsequential right up to the path you have chosen in education, work and relationships and at its very centre you can trace the driving force down to selfishness. The need for us do do things which satisfy our own needs above the needs of any other entity in the universe. Even this text serves my own purposes. Anything that someone else might gain from it is, unfortunately, just a happy coincidence.

Selfishness. The term itself brings up negative connotations. Selfishness opposes selflessness, an goal toward which surely all good people head. Yet understanding the natural selfish inclinations we have can help us to direct it in a way that is beneficial to those other than the self. To try to suppress our selfishness is possibly a futile goal and could be sapping the motivation and drive to take action. I will attempt to describe how the two are actually different paths to the one. How selfishness is actually the driving motivation for all human action and interaction. In order to grasp this concept it might be useful to look at an example of a common action which might be construed normally as selflessness. We will start with a simple example. One which doesn’t delve to deeply into moral motivations. Making a cup of tea for your partner in the morning. What is the possible motivation for this act. It seems fairly simple. One possible one could be simply doing something nice for a person who you care about. Another might be that to wait for your partner to make their own tea could slow you down and take time away from the ‘important’ things that you have to do that day. Both motivations lead to the same result. The tea is made and everyone is happy. Lets take on the latter reasoning first as this would seem to have a much closer correlation to selfishness. I could not agree more. When taking into consideration the tasks that need to be completed in the day, one has to make a decision about priorities. What is the best order of events which suit my greater needs. If the coming events take place at work then there is nothing I can do to complete the allotted tasks until I arrive at work. The doors don’t open until x o’clock, therefore at this moment it is a lesser priority. I desire a cup of coffee and I am aware that my partner will desire a cup of tea. We both need to get ready and it will add only the smallest amount of energy to make a cup of tea at the same time so as to facilitate both a speedier exit to complete the subsequent tasks and will also invoke a pleasurable outcome from my partner which will make me feel better, more comfortable. If I make myself a cup of coffee and no tea for my partner, there will be time added the partner makes theirs plus the negative consequences of the displeasure of my partner. Therefore the choice is easy. Make the tea and relax. In the earlier scenario, the person makes the tea purely out of ’selflessness’. Here the motivation is more complex. What would drive someone to commit this selfless act. I would argue that the basic principal is the same. On possibly a less conscious level the person wishes to gain from the act. What could the person possibly be looking to gain from this. Probably some of the same things as the first person. The ’selfless’ person does it for the love of the other. Here we have a gain. Love. The feeling of safety that comes in numbers. The ’selfless’ person might do it because they know that they would do it for them. So there is a reciprocal understanding whereby each works for the other and each’s needs are met with the least amount of effort. This is a different slant on what one might usually associate with selfishness. Normally we would say that a selfish person would just make themselves a cup of coffee in spite of the needs or desires of the other. I believe that this is a distortion of the meaning of the word. This is a case where the individual feels that they need no other’s assistance or approval to get things done. The selfish person uses the assistance of others to get things done and takes into consideration the implications of their action to get the best possible outcomes for themselves in any particular situation, while priming the way for an easier path when the next event takes place.

The selfless person has developed the art of selfishness to the point where these are not conscious decisions but ones which facilitate personal needs with the least possible emotional effort. One might ask, if people are all so selfish, then why aren’t people just out killing each other. Well, in answer to that, they are. All over the world they are. People give a myriad of reasons for this from personal grievances right through to religion but kill each other they do and for the same reason that causes people to love. Selfishness. This is the key. The thing is that selfishness is our primal drive. It is the thing that is at the base of every decision we make.

But there is a mechanism whereby we can get what we want without killing each other. Compromise. Compromise is the tool of the most skilled artisan of selfishness. When wielded with care it is the tool that returns the most net gain in the majority of situations. How does compromise fit into this scenario when it seems to fly in the face of selfishness? Again you need to come back to the fact that the prime goal of humans is to fulfill their needs. Facilitation of those needs can often be achieved by coming to a compromise with another person. Perhaps the task can be done quicker and easier with two people. Perhaps you are incapable of completing the task at all on your own. This is where the art of compromise comes in. Fulfilling your own needs with the least possible effort. Certain compromises may seem to not be an even balance of gain over loss. One might agree to something where they seem to be doing more work or giving up more than the other person. Not to worry, the imbalance won’t last for long. There are not many situations where the balance isn’t forthcoming. That doesn’t mean that both parties are necessarily happy about it. Each party involved in the compromising contract is looking for something. If not a gain at least an even trade. Usually, in the case of the even trade, the balance is swayed in the direction of one of the parties, at least in perception, in the form of emotional debt or in ‘credit’ built with a third party. The credit of which I speak is the belief of the third party that I am a person of worth, who might justify a good deed sometime in the future. Of course, the third party succumbs to the same rules as the others and undoubtedly will be looking for a return in the future. These compromises are a transaction where perception can be the loose change at the bottom of the couch that makes everything worth it. It’s like playing the stock market, pride forcing up the value of your commodities. This is the fundamental basis of human relationships. The compromise is just an expansion of the basic unit of selfishness. The power of two. Working together, each looking for the greatest gain for the least possible work. The good work throwing in that extra credit for good measure. Nothing is for free. We may not feel it but it is there, the money is in the meter and I don’t plan on going anywhere until it’s run out even if I have to stand here for an hour doing absolutely nothing. Nothing. That is the goal, to get as close to doing nothing as possible.

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